Letter
by Disease called Love
Summary: What Gray find in Jellal's house.. is actually very disturbing. Implied JellalxErza, C for CRACKTASTIC! One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own FT.. or Jellal. Fml, I want to have Jellal.**

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><p>"Why are you here?" asked Erza straightforwardly, her index finger (she's trying so hard not to point her middle finger) pointing at the blue haired male.<p>

"Uh, I'm here to pick you up."

"Pick me up? I'm not a damn luggage, Jellal, you bastard!"

"I'm here to not-really-technically-you're-messing-my-way-of-thinking-I-don't-really-like-grammar-even-if-this-has-something-to-do-with-grammar-mind pick you up. Now, care to pack up? Our destination is my house."

"Our…?"

"Well, duh, if you're around, Natsu should be around too. And when Natsu's around, that girl in the name of… what was her name again? Oh yes, that's right, Lucy Heartfillia, if I'm not mistaken, I get a lot of troubles spelling her last name when I was in the council by the way. And when that Lucy girl is around, her other friend, Gray Fullbuster, will also follow her. So, we have 5 people— I'm not sure if my calculation is right either."

"…What."

"Just hurry up. I'm counting. Oh, and I was right— 5 people." He grinned while Erza just facepalmed.

**OH YEAH 5 MINUTES TIMESKIP!**

"So, Erza, I didn't know you had a friend like Jellal." Lucy's eyes sparkled as she admired the *cough* ex-psycho *cough* ex-council member who was sitting right across her seat.

"Unfortunately, I'm not really single." He said coolly, his hand up in a defending way.

"Don't get too familiar, now." Erza smiled.

**OH YEAH 30 MINUTES TIMESKIP TO THE EXTREME!**

"This is your house? OHMIGOSH…"

"Yes, this is my house, Natsu. When the hell did you get here anyways? I didn't see you in the carriage."

"Natsu has this kind of weird messed up …and possibly retarded way of running."

"So he ran all the way here?"

"It's like 10 feet away from Fairy Tail."

"I know right. Why the hell did we take the carriage again?"

"…Now that you mention it."

**OH YEAH 5 MINUTES TIMESKIP AGAIN!**

"Welcome to my house, Erza."

"We're here too, you know. It's not only Erza." Gray muttered. "Oops. I guess…" he blushed.

"Either way, it's pretty cool inside here."

"It's beautiful!"

"It's cheap."

"It's… stuff."

"Hah, thanks. Anyway, we're here to find some of my stuffs. Do you guys mind helping me?"

"Sure thing, Jellal, I'll help you with anything." Erza cooed, a warm smile appearing on her lips.

"Erza… you sure are helpful."

Lucy sulked. How come Erza gets all the bishies while she's the only one left with two idiots?

"Oh, so Jellal… what's this thing?" asked Gray, picking up an old paper.

"What is it…?" he asked, first his gentle bishie-like face came on and then…

"Oh. Fuck. No. Don't. Tell. Me. That's…"

"Is it a letter, ice idiot? Read it."

"Fine, hothead,"

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><p><em>To Fairy Tail,<em>

_I am Siegrain from the Council. I know, I know, you didn't expect me to write you a letter. I can tell your expressions right now. Especially Erza's… I bet she looks so *cross* cute *cross* dumbfounded right now._

_Anyway, I wrote this stuff to explain that, y'know… I'm trapped in a cell. The old geezers put me here when they have no idea I can get out from this stuff in just 5 minutes._

_…How, you ask?_

_Magic, duh…_

_Oh, now your new question is; why the old geezers put me here? Wait, before I answer that super-hard-and-difficult-NOT question, I just want to complain why my super hot, cool and bishie-like face is here with them. They're all so ugly. I'm hot. You agree right, Erza? *insert troll face here*_

_And yes, Natsu Dragneel, if you're wondering what a troll face means, you're probably an idiot. There's this really cool thing called the fucking internet, you should probably surf through it._

_Oh, back to that question. They locked me up because I've been defending you guys too much. And what about Ultear, that little bitch… they didn't lock her up. And the other geezer, they didn't look him up too! What the fuck?_

_But I'm a really cool and awesome person, so I won't just throw a tantrum like that. Erza gets what I mean. Now I'm going to explain why I defended you guys…_

_Lucy Heartfillia, you, the newcomer, you may look like a hot chick, but fuck no I won't fall for you. I have a crush on this really sexy chick called *ink trace* Erza Scarlet *ink trace*. Forget what I said— I mean, wrote. Anyway, she's way hotter than you. I swear. She's WAY FUCKING HOTTER than you. By the way, why is your last name so hard to spell? It took me 6 hours just to find your last name. And 3 other hours to spell your last name. Fuck last names. I don't even remember mine anymore._

_Natsu Dragneel, you flame bastard, you destroyed every single fucking thing. Are you some kind of troll? Do you like trolling that much, Natsu Dragneel? I don't like you. And no I'm not sulking. Stop being such a bitch, Natsu. And you get to be around Erza, too… Seriously, are you sure you're not a troll?_

_Gray Fullbuster. Oh you… I don't really like you that much. I would've sworn I saw you completely naked before. And it is DIS- FUCKING- GUSTING. And I hate your last name. What the fuck is wrong with me and last names? Anyway, isn't that totally lame? 'Fullbuster'… pfft. Take me as an example. Mine's totally awesome. 'Fernandes'. It almost sounds like a car brand, which means I am completely awesome._

_…AWESOME. YOU HEAR ME?_

_And finally, Erza Scarlet… where do I start? Your legs…? No, that's not where I start at. First of all, you're a total hot babe. I like you. But I think you should wear tighter clothes. Armors don't suit you. Oh, I'm kind of getting off topic here. The old geezers told me I should marry you. Ridiculous, right? It's not like I'm into you or anything. Except for that I dream of you giving me a really sexy *nosebleed trace* lapdance every single night and all, but hey, it's not a big deal, right?_

_…Right?_

_Excuse me; I need a glass of water._

_Ahem, so anyways, I'm not really pissed off at you guys even though YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES THAT MADE ME IN JAIL, but once again… I'm not angry! Not at all… which is kind of weird, since I would probably KILL YOU GUYS if I'm another person._

_But, once again, I'm really cool and collected, so I'm not pissed off. Haha, I know, you're beginning to tear up in emotions. I'm really cool. I'm a bishie. Bishies are always cool. So I'm cool. Like a boss, right?_

_Anyway, I'm not mad. At all, you know. It's not that I'm complaining or anything, it's just that…_

_I'm not mad._

_…_

_Oh, forget this. __FUCK THIS, I'M MAD! I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF! YOU HEAR ME? I'M SO MAD I WANT TO DEEP FRY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!_

_I swear, once I get out of this damned cell, I'll kill you guys._

_Fuck you guys._

_Except for Erza… __And Lucy. Probably Lucy. __I always get off topic, right? So, once I'm out of this cell, I'll go to your place._

_And you know what I'm anticipating?_

_My deep fried dragon slayer._

_And my damn shaved ice-cream._

_So, the main conclusion is;_

_I'll kill you all._

_That's right. I'll kill you ALL._

_So, that's the end of my letter! I hope you guys are alive until I fucking fuck your brains out with my damned magic._

_…Erza, I'm not interested in you._

_Maybe just a bit._

_…Or a lot. Bah, whatever. I'll still kill you no matter how sexy you are. You too, Lucy Heart-something. Don't expect me to remember to spell your name…_

_Sincerely,_

_Siegrain *cough*futurekillers*cough* from the council._

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><p>"…"<p>

"…Jellal?"

"Damn it. I should've burnt that thing…"

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><p><strong>Trololol. I just screwed Jellal's image didn't I? R&amp;R anyone? 8|<strong>


End file.
